What Is Your Name
 

I knew the year was going to be one of crushing grief. My father had been diagnosed with cancer, and it was spreading quickly. He was becoming weak and the cancer had made its way to his brain. My family had always approached to death head on, with grace, dignity, and courage. My father was no exception. He knew he was slipping. He had confided in me earlier that he was aware of his mental decline. He called me to his side to have that last serious talk. Dad was still able to sit in his easy chair. He held my hand and said, Son, I want to thank you for taking care of me and I want to thank you for the way you treat your mother. I want you to continue to watch over her after I'm gone. Less than a week later he had become weak enough we needed to move him from his chair into a separate room where he would spend his remaining days. As I helped him out of his chair and stood him up, he knew who I was and spoke to me as his son. Halfway to the bedroom just down the hall he thanked me for being kind and gentle with him and said, Now, what is your name? My heart broke because the connection was slipping so quickly. Just days later he would close his eyes for the last time and as his breathing changed and slowed, the family came into his bedroom and began to sing. My father passed away in the middle of the second song. Later I wrote the song, What Is Your Name?

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We Are All Here Just Walking Each Other Home

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In the 1970's, a teacher by the name of Ram Dass came on the scene. He was friends with Timothy Leary, the man who embraced LSD and coined the phrase, Tune in, Turn on, Drop out." Ram Dass chose the path of meditation and spiritual enlightenment. I believe the men were looking for the same results but had taken starkly different paths to get there. In one of his teaching seminars, and, as I recall, in one of his books, Ram Dass was speaking about life's journey. He said, “We Are Walking Each Other Home”. That simple phrase became a point of reference in my life. 

Home may mean a state of enlightenment, a place of love and peace, or what is waiting for us after this life is over, but whatever it is, we all travel toward it together. So many people seem to set out to make the journey more difficult for others. But those we choose to travel with should support and guide us as we learn from one another.

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Life is both personal and communal, and we are all walking our own paths together. This simple teaching gave way to the song. It was later adapted to a more religious version because, whatever your idea of God, the spirit and origin of our love and existence is also with us, in us, around us, as we walk home together. 

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​​​Flow With the Storm

I had finished a translation of the Gospel of Thomas; one of the most amazing and mystical books I have found. It is an apocryphal New Testament text that some think may predate many books of the N.T.  Examining Thomas, I saw many connections with the Tao Te Ching, another text I worked on years ago. I decided it would be good to place these books together into a single volume for the reader. This work is called, The Tao of Thomas. It was within the verses of this book that the idea of the song, Flow With the Storm was born.

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Tao Te Ching:

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Verse 21

The Master keeps his own mind
And is alone, always at one with the Tao.

The Tao cannot be imagined, yet within is image.
It is elusive and formless, yet within is form.

The Tao is dark and void, yet within is radiance.
The essence is real, yet within is faith.

Since before time was and until now, the Tao is.
How do I know the way of creation is true?
Because of this; I look inside myself and it is there.

22

Yield and overcome;
Bend and be straight;
If you want to become full,
Let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn,
Let yourself die.
If you want to be fulfilled,
Give up everything.

Therefore, the Master, resides in the Tao,
And thus sets an example for all.
Because he doesn't put on a display,
People can see his true light.
Because he does not boast,
People can trust his words.
Because he doesn't know who he is,
People recognize themselves in him.
Not bragging or boasting, 
There is no quarrel or dissention. 

The ancient Masters said,
If you want to receive all,
Give up everything,
Be complete and all things will be yours.​

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Bourbon in the Holy Water   

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After reading Faust, the 19th-century work by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, I was so struck by his summation of the war within the human soul, it stuck with me for fifty years. 

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Faust in Scene 2 of Part 1, the main character claims that there are two souls inside of him that are at war. They are fighting against each other. We all feel this to some degree. I know I feel these two factions every day. The Native Americans referred to them as the white dog and black dog. Faust says they are two distinct souls. A metaphor? Maybe. For some, maybe not.

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One impulse art thou conscious of, at best;
O, never seek to know the other!
Two souls, alas! reside within my breast,
And each withdraws from, and repels, its brother.
One with tenacious organs holds in love
And clinging lust the world in its embraces;
The other strongly sweeps, this dust above,
Into the high ancestral spaces.

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​The earliest forms of the work, known as the Urfaust, were developed between 1772 and 1775; however, the details of that development are not entirely clear. Urfaust has twenty-two scenes, one in prose, two largely prose and the remaining 1,441 lines in rhymed verse. The manuscript is lost, but a copy was discovered in 1886. Goethe renders this play well. I wanted to continue this theme with a couple of very common signs of the confusion, inner battles, and chaos of today. 

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Along the same line and in the same vein I wrote,  

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Two Hearts in My Chest

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and

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Her Problem Was Always You 

These are certainly not the only songs to explore human frailties and our continuation into habits, desires and internal conflict, but they are a good start.

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Rich in Love and a Little Poor

I have lost everything twice and gave everything away once. As a young man, I worked in a very high-pressure job in the computer field. One day I came home from work as looked in the mirror to see a reflection that frightened me. My skin was gray. My face hung like an old man. No light was left in my eyes. My soul was dying under the stress. I quit that life. Walked out. Packed a pickup truck with a table, a couple of chairs, a bed and clothes and headed to a hunting cabin in Mountain View MO. There was no electricity, no running water, no phone, not even a neighbor close enough to see. There I stayed for a year. That decision changed me. As my senses opened again, so did my heart. I was at peace. Those days were not carefree. I had to hunt and fish to eat, but they were deep and peaceful. The corporate world can rob us of time, humanity, and our ability to connect deeply. Yes, I have lived a charmed life. I am successful according to the world's measure, but sometimes I dream of going back and giving up this to be richer in love, even if it meant being a little poorer. ​

Missouri In The Winter

was written about that time in the woods. 

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The Person That I Am

​There are times in a person's life when they stare into the eyes of the raw and unfiltered truth about themselves. Most of us quite literally shut down the thought and observations and shove them back into the dark recesses of our minds. We delay the pain and tears, but also the growth and truth. It is the truth about ourselves and also the recognition that we are no more than the least of our brothers and sisters. We all deal with failure and self-doubt. 

This same theme is explored in the song

I Have Damaged My Soul

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